Friends don’t let friends wear ponchos. More specifically, friends don’t let their guy friends wear ponchos. Ever. Not even if they think they are Clint Eastwood.
I mention this rule because we all need fashion tips every now and then. If you doubt me, spend the afternoon people-watching at Walmart and you’ll see what I mean.
I was recently thumbing through a women’s magazine and saw that an actress had recommended jeggings as this year’s “fashion must have”. She went so far as to say they would look good on everyone. Is she out of her mind? Clearly this woman doesn’t know anyone who weighs over 90 pounds.
In our family we have a system to avoid fashion faux pas. I watch out for my husband, my daughter watches out for me, and we both watch out for our daughter, although she doesn’t think she needs our help.
My husband doesn’t wear shorts very often. I bought him some and he put them on. He then put on his black socks and dress shoes. After allowing myself a giggle at his expense I gently suggested that he is way too young for that look.
Just today we saw a man out working in his yard wearing red coveralls. My husband admired them. I pointed out that the man looked like he was wearing a baggy union suit. He still admired them. I then pulled out the big guns and told him that coveralls are a deal breaker for me. It’s me or the coveralls, and he should think long and hard because I’ll want the house, the car, the bank accounts and the grandchildren. He can keep the cat. He saw the light.
I routinely ask my daughter for fashion advice. She helps me put outfits together. She’s great with layering, accessories, and shoes. On the other hand, I am basically a lazy dresser. If left to my own devices I would wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. She encourages necklaces, scarves, and shoes other than sneakers. She’s great when I can’t decide on gold or silver, flats or heels, cardigan or jacket.
My daughter has great fashion sense, but she can’t judge distance. She has actually insisted with a straight face that a skirt that barely covers her bum is only an inch above her knee. I wish I were making this up.
Some fashion themes are best avoided altogether. International apparel is almost always a mistake. Berets, caftans, and lederhosen are hard to pull off. The trick, I think, is to look up-to date, but never extreme.
I have a fear of creeping frump. I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and want to wear a muumuu and orthopedic shoes. But equally as terrifying is the idea of being an old woman dressed up like a streetwalker. I once saw a woman who had to be in her sixties wearing black leggings with a clingy surplice blouse tucked in, and a wide silver belt. Please, someone, stop me. I don’t mind the good, but I want to avoid the bad and the ugly.
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