Hair

This is an uncomfortable topic.  I know some men are sensitive about their baldness.  My heart goes out to women who lose their hair as they age.  On the other hand, hair isn’t in style this year.  Have you noticed that everyone is bald and men no longer have chest hair?  Well, we didn’t get that memo.  We have lots of hair at our house.  

Which is all well and good if it would stay on our heads, but it doesn’t.  

I just finished cleaning the bathrooms.  There is the normal soap scum, hard water marks, and even some dried tooth paste.  But mostly there is hair.  Long hair from my daughter’s elbow-length tresses, shorter hair from my middle-aged do, and a ton of little curly hairs from my husband’s entire body.

Let’s just say he can’t go outside without his shirt during hunting season.  He wasn’t this hirsute when I married him.  But I should have seen it coming. It runs in his family.  Now it runs in mine.

I have two sons, five years apart.  When the first one went through puberty, the fine, little boy hairs on his legs were replaced by the dark, coarser hairs of manhood.  His little brother was still a boy, and he came across this scripture and adopted it as his favorite: Genesis 27:11 My brother is a hairy man and I am a smooth man.  That just about says it all.  Except now they are both hairy men.

Fortunately (thank goodness for estrogen), the women in the family don’t have this problem.  But we all have full heads of hair.  No wimpy barrettes or hair elastics for us.  We need the heavy-duty variety.  But alas, our hair is constantly falling out and growing in.  My teenage daughter has beautiful wavy hair.  She spends an inordinate amount of time ironing it, curling it, braiding it, and so on.  And a ton of it ends up on the bathroom floor and in the sink and tub.  Have you ever tried to wipe out a sink when the sponge gets bogged down with foot long strands of hair?  Nightmare.

My grandsons were both born with full heads of hair.  To qualify for the armed forces or go on a Mormon mission they would have needed haircuts at birth.  So the legacy lives on.

Then there’s the cat.  Maybe I should just leave that one alone.  My faithful readers already know how I feel about the cat.

So what to do?  This morning as I crawled around the toilet trying to gather it up, laser hair removal for everyone seemed like a viable option.  Bald is beautiful.  Can you just imagine us Christmas morning each receiving gift certificates for hair removal? Gee, Mom, thanks.